It’s been a while. My apologies, but summer and its golden rays of splendor have kept me busy enjoying warm weather, road trips, and outdoor happy hours.
Many things have changed since my last post, and may things remain the same.
I’m still natural; still lovehating my hair (yes, I know that’s not a word, but I use it anyways); and still getting phone calls from my mother regarding Sheeba.
Which spurred this post.
Mummy called me the other day to discuss her views on Sheryl Underwood’s claims that natural hair was ‘nasty,’ and while my mother is the type of person to say crass things, and then concede that she doesn’t include my hair in such remarks, she still feels some type of way about kinky coily hair…
anywhoo
During our conversation, she talked about many of the natural hair news that has occurred over the past few months (school policies banning afro puffs, natural students being teased, Sheryl’s comment, and etc.) and then told me that she hopes I relax my (future) daughters hair to shield her from such a harsh life.
[Insert flashback vignette] My mother relaxed my hair when I was six. Before that I had gone to a Haitian preschool with children who ‘looked’ like me, but once we moved to the suburbs I got relaxed and amassed a collection of those white ‘Just for Me’ cassette tapes (reach back to 1990 for that relic). My mother didn’t relax my hair because it was unmanageable; she did it so that my sister and I would ‘blend’ in with our American counterparts.
So I began to wonder… how many other moms hold this Darwinistic view towards relaxers? My mother made it seem like relaxing our hair increased our survival rate more than it reduced the amount of time she had to spend styling our hair. I don’t plan on being that type of mother. In fact, I don’t plan on relaxing my daughters hair at all. Now if she wants to wear her hair straight, we can discuss non-chemical alternatives, but relaxers shall be a non-factor until she’s grown.
Sheryl's comment struck a nerve with me because deep down there's a seed of self hate planted within her. Someone told her many mango seasons ago that her natural hair was nasty, causing that view to take root and grow. That comment was the fruit of that planted seed. And while her apology was necessary, it wasn't sincere. She may have killed that 'nasty natural tree' but the root hasn't been eradicated. I'm sure under those many weaves and wigs she wears is a head of such nasty hair being forced into submission by chemicals and heat. And if she is natural, (sigh) then I think it's time for some much needed self-reflection and acceptance.
I normally rant on and on about my hair and stay out of social discussions, but one has to wonder how many children are picked on because of their natural hair, and what the implications will be later down the road as it relates to their self-esteem. How many will grow up to love their curls and how many will grow up to detest them? My heart hurts for those who will develop self-image issues. Although so many women have embraced their naturalness, Underwood’s remarks provide for a clear reminder that in our society only the silkiest survive.
